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Decisions and Illustion
Desire in a Relationship

Decisions and Illusions (Added November 2002)

The idea of conditioning and the power of past decisions having influence of the circumstances of our lives in the present day may be a popular one - but the influence of our past actions is less powerful than we might think...

As we know, time does not exist except in the mind of the individual. It is a perception, an illusion. A fabrication of man's intellect. The sole relevant fact is that the only thing that exists at this moment, is this moment 'the now moment'. The now moment is the only aspect of time that we must be concerned with. And because of this, changing the course of our lives becomes easy.

If this is so, what relevance does the draw of the past have on our lives? Where do ideas of trauma and beliefs and conditioning sit, given the non-existence of time? And what of the influence of our parents, our environment, our era? None have any significance or relation to what we do now and the choices we make in our lives.

Despite the illusion it provides, the past has no influence on decisions we make at this time in our lives. Decisions are not made in the past to haunt us for years to come - no more than we can be influenced by past lives. All decisions are made now. Right now.

So then, how is it that we can seem to make decisions at a time some time in the past and the decision still seems to have power today, now? We conveniently make use of illusion to ensure that we are powerless against the effects of our own decisions. We latch on to a useful decision and we make it over and over again. This works because we are convinced that this decision that was made in the dim past is difficult to change. When in fact, all that needs to be done is to identify the decision as we make it over and over and make new decisions at those times.

If it was true that all our decisions about life were made in the past, we would be incapable of keeping pace with our changing bodies, our growing intellect and experience - our actions and thoughts would be those of a child, we would be tied to original decisions. But we are not, we are capable of making and changing decisions throughout our life and this is proven in how we accommodate physical change and change in circumstance. It is in fact, essential to the continuation of our life in a rational, sensical way. So we selectively make new decisions and selectively continue to make other decisions, as and when it suits.

We can look to these exceptions for proof that we are not bound by decisions of the past. It is only logical in fact, that we make new decisions all the time, some of them are essential to our very existence. So then, those seeming old decisions must be new decisions too? And yet it seems that we are held prisoner by our past. But we know that is not so. Those 'old' decisions are just as fresh and new as any decision to drink when we are thirsty or to eat when we are hungry. We would be incapable of any sort of change, no matter how minor, if past decision continued to have influence over our lives.

Next time you find yourself blaming your past for how you are now, consider how you used to be and consider how you are now. And how did you get to be the way you are now? It is entirely in your hands at this moment.

Wayfarer International, Copyright © John & Melody Anderson, 1994 - 2002. All rights reserved.

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Desire (March 1994)

We were using the term 'first choice' in 1994, to describe the process by which we decide upon the nature of our adulthood in early life. As children, with limited ability to perceive and understand the options in life, based upon this limited perception of the lives of the adults around us, we can be passionately inspired by such examples to make decisions about how our own lives will develop. This kind of inspiration can be very powerful, but when based on such limited knowledge of the world and the way in which it all works, its influence in our lives can continue way beyond what becomes appropriate or indeed what we may decide we want later on. We used the term 'dynamic' to represent the kind of lifestyle we may be inspired to have, as our knowledge of the options changes and as we experience a desire to have more in life.

Our understanding of the processes of early inspiration developed considerably beyond our concept of it in 1994, nevertheless, the essay raises some interesting ideas.

Desire may seem to be rather straightforward and unassuming, however, without a measure of trust in its power, we may find ourselves victims of confusion and despair even, as we contemplate its mysterious workings. For desire does not always bring the results we might expect and what is more, sometimes it may even seem to bring opposite results. Of course our desire does not only relate to the now moment but, in an impressionistic sense, it takes into account the effects of a process and can sometimes seem to be party to knowledge about events that have not yet occurred. Almost as if desire were some kind of smart card that is programmed to do a certain job, but does so with a measure of talent for reading the changing circumstances and acting accordingly. Or further perhaps, one that anticipates the circumstances and helps to fashion the necessary changes.

Whatever the nature of desire, it is certainly not a straightforward or a known quantity. And it must be regarded as such.
Trust is absolutely essential in responding to the circumstances that are brought about by our desire.

Much more straightforward is the ability to recognize our desire for something specific and to identify our conscious intention when we desire. Aspects of the unconscious nature of desire would seem to be beyond our control. When we do desire however, we understand that our desire carries with it an agreed preparedness for that desire to create the most opportune circumstances for gaining the object of desire. This may sometimes occur as an ongoing process and depend on the cumulative effects of situations. Sometimes, the effects may be instantaneous, dependent, it would seem, on what is desired and on the other factors that the achievement of it affects.

Therefore, we can desire something basically simple, say to have a certain experience, meeting a certain friend or going to a restaurant, trying something new and in all cases of this example, the desire can bring instantaneous results. We bump into our friend on the street, we're invited to the restaurant, we find ourselves in the position where our desire to try this new thing is fulfilled. However, there seems to be a category of situations where that which we desire depends on numerous other factors and which introduce a more complex element to our desiring.

These situations may depend on full-scale changes to identity for example and represent threat to a chosen lifestyle, therefore to desire and for that desire to bring instantaneous results, would seem to be an unreasonable expectation. A process is required and thus a measure of trust and intent. This is where desire appears to have a mind of its own. The opportunities that we are given in response to our desire can seem unlikely, but nevertheless, we must accept that they are aligned with our desire and make the most of them.

At this point it can be helpful to understand a little more about how desire can work. An investigation into desire could bring some interesting results.

We know that we cannot feel desire for something we
already have. It would make no sense. If we have something, why should we desire it? This prompts a number of questions.

What does it mean it we cannot feel desire for something that we think we want and think we should want - a dynamic lifestyle for example? Could it be that we do not desire it and that we desire something else instead?

Does the desire which first inspired our first choice continue to endure throughout our life and influence our choices about lifestyle, even though we may still be inspired by the dynamic?

And how does our love of aspects of our first choice measure up against any desire we might have for the dynamic? Interesting questions.

Perhaps the answers are as equally interesting.

Wayfarer International, Copyright © John & Melody Anderson, 1994 - 2002. All rights reserved.

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Desire in a Relationship (January 1995)

Desire is desire. No matter where or how it is directed, the effects of desiring will always enrich our own lives.

It would be appropriate to not only examine your own desire for the kind of life you want and how your relationship would ideally be, but your desire for your partner can have positive influence also. When you consider that a partnership relationship is like no other, it becomes very significant for an individual to be clear about what they want from such a partnership. A partnership in particular is affected by the actions of each individual and the individuals influence one another.

The action of desire also has a powerful influence on the progress of the relationship and sometimes the actions of one individual can spur the relationship on to new heights in various ways. And so it is logical and understandable that within a relationship an individual may well have desires that are directly affected by the other partner. Now in some cases, this is seen as a handicap, for it seems as though that unless that individual changes, the relationship cannot assume its ideal state. However, desire for how one's partner could be has a positive influence. This is because, by implication, the individual who is doing the desiring must then change in order that he may perceive changes in his or her partner. This of course cannot be calculated, worked out or even regulated. The desire must be free and unconditional. However, when desire of this nature is allowed to influence a relationship, magical and sometimes seemingly miraculous things can happen. It would seem that the individual who is doing the desiring gets what they want, despite sometimes seemingly impossible odds. And yet the philosophy behind it is quite simple.

Desire for change in
someone else, is really a desire for change in the self, so that one's perception is altered and in turn, one views the relationship differently. And because of that openness to something more, actual change may take place. A rather interesting but nevertheless foolproof phenomenon that has the power to enrich and enhance the lives of all those who choose to adopt its principles.

Wayfarer International, Copyright © John & Melody Anderson, 1995 - 2002. All rights reserved.

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